Alright Brodie we all know we want to marry a woman who isnt what we call…. A Hoe or Heaux if you’re from Louisiana or something. In order not to marry a Hoe we need to know what to look for. So as a Hoeologist (Not Literally) I’m here to give you the top 10 signs to look for when detecting a Hoe.. Don't Believe Me Just Watch....
10. Mainly Guys As Friends
These women say things like “Girls Just Dont Like Me”, “I Get Along Much Better w/ Guys”, “Girls Are Just Jealous of Me” or “I Think Like A Man”. Sorry Brodie she may be cool and all but.. SHES A HOE! In order to fit in w/ men you have to think like and understand men correct? If its one thing i know as a man its.. WE ALL SOME HOES! At times, so if she thinks like us and acts like us.. #SHESARatBrO. Because every chick has a core group of female friends not just a core group of guy friends.
9. Hoe Friends
The saying goes “Birds of a feather flock together” – Malcom X. If she hangs with hoes she is a hoe by association. If a guy hangs w/ nothing but homosexual guys you’re going to assume hes a tamborine boy too right? EXACTLY! So I’m not trying to hear "I Don't Do What They Do, They Just My Friends"
8. Club Pic As Profile Pic
If her main photo is a club pic shes a skank. I dont know any upstanding women of society who be in the clubs. When men hit the club we’re thinking “Hmm lets find me some un-self respecting females to let loose the jesus juice on”. Stay away from these Brodie. No respectable man has every found his wifey, the mother of his children, a woman he respects enough to be with in the Club. You go to the club to find Hoes #KillYourselfTwice
7. Zodiac Expert
If she can tell you how every man from every sign acts shes a hoe. Nobody told her to date a man from every sign bruh NOBODY. She a zodiac freak, and took Tyrese's song a little too literal.
6. Colorful Tongue Ring
Listen.. I dont care who you are. Name one chick with a tongue piercing who hasn’t touched an abundance of dicks. I’ll wait.. No serious.. I’m waiting.
5. Hoe Defense
These are the women who get so angry when you start talkin about hoes. They say things like “Did you have sex w/ her? So how's she a hoe?” “Why do yall always bash women?” or the infamous “Define hoe. Whats a hoe exactly?”. Truth be told its always the hoes that say this or ask these questions we just ignore it and keep pushing so we dont make it hot.
4. Fights Double Standards
We all know this type of woman. She’s always complaining about double standards and how they’re so unfair. How she’s a free spirit and shouldnt be trapped and limited in this patriarchal society. Hoe shut yo ass up. Go ahead and touch them dicks we aint stopping you, but double standards do exist and there’s nothing you can do about it. #HoeItsLife
3. Hoe Deflection
This is the type of woman who is a hoe but in order to take the attention off of her she calls everyone else hoes. Listen woman we know what you are. Everyone else being Hoes doesnt mean we dont know you’re Hoe! You aint slick ma. "She's A Hoe, HOE!"-word to Ludacris"
2. Hate’s The Hoefax
We’ve all come across this. The woman who just hates the Hoefax. She says things like “Men gossip just like bitches” or “Thats childish I dont want my business out there”. Thats only because she has one too many skeletons in the closet. Shit it might be a few football team of niggas she already bodied. "You never know my nigga, you never know."- Lil Duval
1A. The "That Don't Apply To Me" Hoe
If you’re reading all of this and you’re like “These dont apply to me tho..Ding!”. You a hoe. Hoe’s swear they’re an exception to every rule. That’s why they’re hoes in the first place. Embrace the Hoe in you and become one with it. Its okay. Sometimes.
The #1 Hoe Detector: She Can't Cook
Listen if you cant cook you’re the biggest hoe there is. Especially if you aren't a virgin. You consciously perfected that mouth before you perfected anything else? You learned how to take dick before knowing your way around the kitchen? You know how to wine pon di yardstick and not chef up a meal? You learned how to buss it open before learning basic survival skills? You know what? I dont even blame you because that's what Hoes Do. I Also blame your hoe ass momma for allowing this to happen. These are the main women who say "I shouldn't have to cook","I can keep my man happy without cooking". #HoeGetACookBook
Honorable Mention Hoes: Weave wearers (Hair Longer Then Should Be Allowed), Nicki Minaj Fans (Barbie Bitches), "Reality Wives Watcher"(If She Watches Any Of Those Shows, She Has Aspirations on Being A Popular Hoe.
If You Find Yourself Livid Right Now Its Not My Fault You’re A Hoe. No I'm Not Woman Bashing, I'm Hoe Bashing... There's A Difference..
Don't Get Mad, I'm Only Be Real -2Pac
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