The Reality Why Nice Guys Finish Last!

Men who are labelled as stereotypical ‘nice guys’ have a tendency to suppress what they are really thinking. They may even hide their true feelings and desires from a woman.  'Nice guys' often avoid saying "no" to a woman’s outrageous requests out of fear of her losing interest.

This behaviour shows a woman that a man needs her and he does not have respect for his own values. If he does not value himself then why should she value him and be attracted to him?

Again, I would like to reiterate, this is very different from a man doing things for a woman out of true love and affection.  Compromising for the good of the relationship is very different from always giving-in to a woman. But in reality women confuse the two and often see the man being needy nonetheless.

We all need a decent amount of self-respect to prevent us from being treated like a doormat and for speaking up and communicating how we feel. It enables us to stand up for our own values.  Self-respect is the foundation for building attraction. You can gain it in an instant by being mindful of the choices you make for yourself - from the way you communicate with others, to the decisions that you make about your life.

Why Women Choose Bad Guys!

Why would a woman choose the dangerous man, even though it's pretty much guaranteed that he will treat her poorly?  Why on earth would she choose him over a man who shows her real affection and attention?

I know I alluded to in the past articles that sometimes the ‘bad’ guy behaves with more self-assurance, which initially appears attractive. However, the attraction quickly diminishes if (and hopefully when) the woman recognizes the general lack of decency and respect towards her. But this will take her years to realize and understand!

You may think women simply prefer the more dangerous man because they want more excitement. However in some instances the 'safe' option is not actually the man who shows a woman kindness. Instead the 'safe' guy could actually be the one treats her badly. This is in the case where a woman is frightened by the thought of opening up and being truly vulnerable with a man.

Fear of Love Can Make Bad Guys Seem Safe

Some women (as well as men) are really afraid of experiencing a real and honest loving relationship.  The sense of feeling 'trapped in a long-term relationship' has nothing to do with boredom, but more to do with fear.

After all, if a woman was with a man who really cared and perhaps was willing to love her and offer her commitment, then not only would she have to open her heart, but also he would get to see the 'real her' whom may be buried beneath her psychological armor. And women do not like feeling vulnerable, because they need a sense of control.

The thought of real vulnerability and authenticity can be very confronting for both men and women. Some people even unconsciously believe that they do not deserve real love and respect, despite the fact that they appear to strive for it. Ironically enough, striving from this place almost always results in sabotaging any chance of a real relationship.

Who is Really the Problem?

This doesn’t mean that, any time a woman you desire chooses a man, who you don't believe respects her, you immediately blame it on her lack of self-love.

As usual, the truth is most likely to be found in the middle.

We reflect each other’s neuroses. Relationships are a great way of showing us where we need to grow.  It’s easy to point the finger at someone else’s behaviour, but definitely more enlightened and more empowering to start looking at your own.