Relationship bloggers, and those alike seem to focus on the plight of the single woman. As it has been communicated time and time again, black women and their singleness is nobody’s fault but their own, after all it’s up to women to get chose the right man?
In my opinion women are too aggressive when It comes to being in control of relationships, they’re confrontational, selfish, materialistic, along with some other less than desirable things. Needless to say, these are traits that men don’t want to deal with, so I hear.
I recently read an article where the author attempted to explain why so many "Good" black men were single. Anyway, he went on to list his twelve ideas, most of which were passive aggressively deflecting his reasons for being single on to black women, for instance;
1. Good Black men keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.
2. They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off too quickly as not being “their type”.
3. They’re not wanted because they’re not needed. Too many women have told them that they don’t “need” a man.
4. They keep meeting black women who don’t respect them just because they “are” black men.
5. They keep failing women’s Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman’s friends don’t like them, then that woman won’t give them a chance either.
6. They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make…read more.
7. They keep meeting women with multiple children, and cannot focus on building a relationship but yet looking for a father figure for their kids.
8. They keep meeting women that are emotionally damaged by their own doing! (Trying to change men that they knew weren't good from jump).
9. They keep meeting women who have to be the man in the relationship and don't know how to let men lead.
10. They keep meeting women who are in a rush to be married
11. They keep meeting women who are closed minded and shallow when it comes to the appearance of a man
12. They keep meeting women who don't reciprocate effort and consistency
From my own experiences, I’ve kind of picked up on some of the reasons that men choose to remain single rather than get into relationships. Honestly, I as a man we actually make the choice to be single, while women remain single because of the bad choices they make in men. I don’t like it, and I’m not an advocate for it, but I get it.
Everybody has a choice. You either make the choice to be open to finding a mate or you don’t. Whatever your reasons for remaining singles are definitely not the responsibility of the opposite sex.
Where oh where is the accountability here? In the article, the author references 12 points of which only two are solely the responsibility of the man, and not the woman. And women will never understand how it’s their fault as women, that we as men are single. Because they feel that men will choose to play the field for years before they actually settle down. And this is all because the man that they actually want is doing just that.
I think that we "Good" black men are still single because we can be. It’s that simple. There are countless pieces of research that talk about the ratio of men to women. And I can confirm with confidence that there are way more women than men. And when there is a surplus of something, consumers are able to be more selective before committing. Works the same way with people. It’s not hard for men to find a quantity of women who want to make that move and change her last name. It’s hard to find quality women when the majority of women that make themselves available aren't of great quality. (Bad bitches, money hungry groupies, career baby mommas, etc)
When it comes to single women, I divide them into two categories. The first, women who are so focused on themselves that they can’t find a man, and second, women that would rather blame their mistakes on men for as long as they can in fear of being hurt again. I have met many women that are, “working on their career”, “trying to be a better me”, “trying to get my finances together” “trying to move on to better things,” they don’t have time for a man. I totally understand wanting to be the best you for someone else, but I also know that we will always want to have more, be better, be more successful, etc. It’s called drive. Some have it some don’t.
Granted I’d rather a woman be an overachiever than lazy. But, you have to realize though, sometimes you can achieve certain successes along side someone who is there as your support system. Black people want to be the perfect version of themselves. [Good] Black men want to have it all together before they bring a woman into the picture, which is commendable. You can’t be perfect. You won’t be perfect. You can only try to be your best self and when the right woman comes along and you’re open to her, she will likely be cool with joining you on your quest for greatness.
That other group? Ugh. The so "Good" black men and women who are single because they don’t want to miss out on something better? You all are just greedy. There is always the potential to find someone more beautiful, or funnier, or who does a little more than the last. If you waste your whole life never being satisfied, then yes, single you will be. Contrary to whatever some of you believe, black men and women are really in this together. The word of the day is accountability. Get you some.
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