8 Stupid Ass Games Men And Women Play While In Relationships

1.  Dodging the Digits

You shouldn’t place your life on hold to be available to your man’s every back and call, but if you’re really not busy, pretending like you are is a tad bit pathetic.  In my experience, if you find yourself struggling not to answer or make calls by turning off your ringer or changing your number, then you’re obviously still preoccupied with the desire to talk to him. Save yourself a bit of stress and just answer the phone, so you can focus on actually getting a life.

2.  The “6 Month” Rule or Playing Hard to Get

You may be convinced of the belief that if you have sex too soon, he’ll hit it and quit it.  But the truth is that if sex is all a man wants he’ll be out of there whether it happens after two months or two days.  That doesn’t mean that you should have sex every time you feel a little flushed over a glistening set of abs, but when you treat sex like a trophy at the end of a race, you can’t be mad when your man is running right past getting to know you so that he can reach the finish line.  Use discretion, but keep in mind that if a man really wants to be with you sex won’t be the deciding factor in whether he stays or goes.

3.  Pleading the Fifth

“It’s not cheating if it’s in a different zip code.” “You asked me did we have sex, and we didn’t. (But fellatio doesn’tcount as sex).”  These are all examples of lies by omission or finding a way to give an honest answer that isn’t exactly the entire truth.  But guess what?  Your gut will tell on you every time.  The pit of your stomach, where your conscience lives will throb when you leave something out that you know your mate would want to know, but will probably
hurt the relationship.

4.  Breaking Up to Make Up

Out of all the games people play in relationships, breaking up to make up is probably the most popular.  Maybe it’s all the episodes of Jersey Shore or the fact that many people have never witnessed a healthy relationship to know what it looks like.  One thing a healthy relationship isn’t is dramatic highs and lows with nothing in between.  Make up sex can be great, but not if you’re having it every three days.  If all your relationship consists of is screaming matches and then passionate Baby Boy-style lovemaking, it’s slowly taking a toll on your relationship and weakening it.  The best relationships are those of stability, even if you find that boring.

5.  Reverse Psychology

Why do good girls like bad guys?  Well, they really don’t.  Good girls want to have sex with bad guys, and then when it comes to a relationship they want to turn the bad guy into a good guy as proof as to what an incredible girl they are…and it usually doesn’t work.  Unfortunately, most men buy into this belief that in order to get the girl you want you have to treat her badly and break down her self-worth without seeing where those same girls are a few years into the future.   You don’t have to be a pushover and you don’t have to be a jerk, you just have to be yourself.   You want someone to fall in love with who you truly are and not who you think they want to be with.  You can only keep up the façade for so long and the truth will always come to the light.

6.  The Crying Game

Your bestie’s boyfriend just made it official by placing a beautiful princess-cut on her left hand, and in an effort to get the same (if not better) you let the water works start to flow because the gleam from her diamond is blinding you to the fact that you’ve got a damn good thing going on yourself.  This leaves your man defenseless, confused and willing to do whatever it takes to get you to stop crying.  Not only is this unfair, but it’s immature.  Crying is what children do when they can’t get their way, and when abused, your man will do just as your parents did when they were tired of the tears: Ignore you. 

7.  Guilt Trippin

You’ve nagged you’re Captain Save ‘Em who’s rescued you from your less than stellar beginnings and introduced you to a different kind of life, but unfortunately many women sometimes use their difficult past as a crutch for their present mistakes.  You can only use your less-than-perfect past or upbringing as an excuse for so long.  You have to be accountable for your mistakes and stop blaming your past for you’re the faulty decisions you are making right now.  It’s selfish to make your partner feel like your downfall will be their fault and they can’t fill all of your demands.  Your mate shouldn’t feel like he’s dating someone who always needs to be rescued.

8.  I Don’t Want You But…

I don’t want you to be with anyone else either.”  It can be easy to mistake love with possession.  It’s obvious the relationship isn’t working, but every time it seems like you are moving on with your life, your partner finds a reason to pull you back into their’s.  He/she is not losing it because he/she wants to be with you desperately, it’s because he/she doesn’t want anyone else to have you. It’s 2015 and no one owns anybody, so unless you really want to be with someone, don’t attempt to have your cake and eat it too.

5 reasons women shouldn't deprive their men from sex and intimacy

1) The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is intimacy. If you have a sexless marriage or a sexless relationship, what are you? companions? best friends? If a couple doesn’t have much sex, then this generally means they lack passion, and that they could be more in love. There’s no such thing as losing the feeling of being in love. You just lose the ‘state’ of being in love, and you lose polarity/passion with your spouse.  You can be in love and have passionate sex way in to your old age. 

Yes, sex is not the only way to achieve intimacy, but it is one of the main and most important ways to achieve intimacy between a man and a woman. Not making sex a priority can cause your relationship to deteriorate. The passion dies out.

2) Women can go to their girlfriends, a counselor, a guy friend, a mother, father, relative, aunt, to connect and talk to people. Men don’t generally do this.

I’m not saying there aren’t men who DO call their guy friends up for a long chat about their feelings, problems and sex life, but this is not common.

Sex is one of the major and most important ways through which a man gets his needs of connection/love met. Men aren’t just asking for sex because it feels good (although that’s part of it too). 

If a man loves his woman, he wants to have sex with her because he loves her and wants her to be open to him. This is one of the main ways in which a man expresses his love, and it is one of the major ways in which a woman can show and prove her love for her man (although by no means the ONLY way).

For a lot of men, his woman is the only place he can go to for connection and love. His woman is often the only source he has. Men have many challenges in the world – and it’s important that he has a woman who understands his needs. Of course – understanding a man’s needs is not about just giving him sex. Men have many other needs, too. But the issue of sex is one that many women struggle with. 

And, the modern western world has been affected by the feminist movement which has given women the idea that they shouldn’t prioritize a man’s needs, and that includes not wanting to meet his sexual needs regularly. However, the man is still expected to meet her needs!

Your man’s needs are just as important as the needs of your children or the needs of your friends! At the end of it all – your man is the one you’re going to be left with. Children will grow up and leave. Friends will have their own lives. A sexless marriage or a sexless relationship can cause a man to become dejected and resentful, as with every rejection the negative association (with his wife or girlfriend) becomes stronger.

3) Let’s talk about masculine and feminine energy, which relates very, very closely to sex. The masculine energy is about releasing. The feminine energy is about filling up. I’ll say that again. The masculine energy wants to release and the feminine energy wants to fill up.Filling up is also very much about the emotional aspect of things.

The feminine energy has many ways to fill up – shopping, having sex, talking to girlfriends, connecting with pets, talking, listening, and much more. The masculine energy has many ways in which they can release, too – but men don’t generally think the way women do.

Click here to take our popular program Understanding Men.

4) It feeds a man’s needs for love from his woman. I know a lot of women will want to lash out at me for saying this – but if two people are in a relationship, and the woman denies her man of sex, puts the children/career/girlfriends/other family first, then over time, this starts to build up negative associations within the man in relation to the woman, and makes him feel less like a man, less loved, less accepted – and this can (NOT always!) lead to cheating. 

Sex with a woman whom he loves fulfills a very deep need for love and acceptance within a man. If you’re not attracted to him enough in order to want to have sex with him, over time, he may start to feel less of a man – more like you don’t accept him as a man and that you’re not attracted to him. This is a painful thing to feel.

This is also one reason why men cheat. A lot of their emotional needs are met through sex!!

In The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It– licensed family counselor M. Gary Neuman studied hundreds of men who had cheated on their wives, in order to find out why they did.

His results show clearly that the main reason why men did cheat on their women was for emotional reasons. When asked what led to their cheating, the answers given by the men showed up as follows:

• 48% – primarily emotional dissatisfaction
• 32% – equal emotional and sexual dissatisfaction
• 8% – primarily sexual dissatisfaction

This doesn’t mean women should be pressured in to having sex. Women and men (equally) need to work on creating passion, love and excitement with their spouse so that lack of sex will not be a problem, but rather – lack of free time, space or opportunity for it 😉 – a much healthier problem!!

5) I’ll be as frank as I can.

Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever – expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him. It’s all about the standards you have for yourself.

And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

If you’re always thinking of yourself, and constantly quantifying what you get and give in your relationship (like that terrible, TERRIBLE saying – Give-and-take) you will never have and experience that amazing relationship that everyone dreams of and which everybody wants. 

That’s all for now. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Feel free to share them below. And, if you did like the article, let me know. Also, let me know if you hated it too 

1) The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is intimacy. If you have a sexless marriage or a sexless relationship, what are you? companions? best friends? If a couple doesn’t have much sex, then this generally means they lack passion, and that they could be more in love. There’s no such thing as losing the feeling of being in love. You just lose the ‘state’ of being in love, and you lose polarity/passion with your spouse.  You can be in love and have passionate sex way in to your old age. 

Yes, sex is not the only way to achieve intimacy, but it is one of the main and most important ways to achieve intimacy between a man and a woman. Not making sex a priority can cause your relationship to deteriorate. The passion dies out.

2) Women can go to their girlfriends, a counselor, a guy friend, a mother, father, relative, aunt, to connect and talk to people. Men don’t generally do this.

I’m not saying there aren’t men who DO call their guy friends up for a long chat about their feelings, problems and sex life, but this is not common.

Sex is one of the major and most important ways through which a man gets his needs of connection/love met. Men aren’t just asking for sex because it feels good (although that’s part of it too). 

If a man loves his woman, he wants to have sex with her because he loves her and wants her to be open to him. This is one of the main ways in which a man expresses his love, and it is one of the major ways in which a woman can show and prove her love for her man (although by no means the ONLY way).

For a lot of men, his woman is the only place he can go to for connection and love. His woman is often the only source he has. Men have many challenges in the world – and it’s important that he has a woman who understands his needs. Of course – understanding a man’s needs is not about just giving him sex. Men have many other needs, too. But the issue of sex is one that many women struggle with. 

And, the modern western world has been affected by the feminist movement which has given women the idea that they shouldn’t prioritize a man’s needs, and that includes not wanting to meet his sexual needs regularly. However, the man is still expected to meet her needs!

Your man’s needs are just as important as the needs of your children or the needs of your friends! At the end of it all – your man is the one you’re going to be left with. Children will grow up and leave. Friends will have their own lives. A sexless marriage or a sexless relationship can cause a man to become dejected and resentful, as with every rejection the negative association (with his wife or girlfriend) becomes stronger.

3) Let’s talk about masculine and feminine energy, which relates very, very closely to sex. The masculine energy is about releasing. The feminine energy is about filling up. I’ll say that again. The masculine energy wants to release and the feminine energy wants to fill up.Filling up is also very much about the emotional aspect of things.

The feminine energy has many ways to fill up – shopping, having sex, talking to girlfriends, connecting with pets, talking, listening, and much more. The masculine energy has many ways in which they can release, too – but men don’t generally think the way women do.

Click here to take our popular program Understanding Men.

4) It feeds a man’s needs for love from his woman. I know a lot of women will want to lash out at me for saying this – but if two people are in a relationship, and the woman denies her man of sex, puts the children/career/girlfriends/other family first, then over time, this starts to build up negative associations within the man in relation to the woman, and makes him feel less like a man, less loved, less accepted – and this can (NOT always!) lead to cheating. 

Sex with a woman whom he loves fulfills a very deep need for love and acceptance within a man. If you’re not attracted to him enough in order to want to have sex with him, over time, he may start to feel less of a man – more like you don’t accept him as a man and that you’re not attracted to him. This is a painful thing to feel.

This is also one reason why men cheat. A lot of their emotional needs are met through sex!!

In The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It– licensed family counselor M. Gary Neuman studied hundreds of men who had cheated on their wives, in order to find out why they did.

His results show clearly that the main reason why men did cheat on their women was for emotional reasons. When asked what led to their cheating, the answers given by the men showed up as follows:

• 48% – primarily emotional dissatisfaction
• 32% – equal emotional and sexual dissatisfaction
• 8% – primarily sexual dissatisfaction

This doesn’t mean women should be pressured in to having sex. Women and men (equally) need to work on creating passion, love and excitement with their spouse so that lack of sex will not be a problem, but rather – lack of free time, space or opportunity for it 😉 – a much healthier problem!!

5) I’ll be as frank as I can.

Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever – expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him. It’s all about the standards you have for yourself.

And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

If you’re always thinking of yourself, and constantly quantifying what you get and give in your relationship (like that terrible, TERRIBLE saying – Give-and-take) you will never have and experience that amazing relationship that everyone dreams of and which everybody wants. 

That’s all for now. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Feel free to share them below. And, if you did like the article, let me know. Also, let me know if you hated it too 

Never Tell A Man To Be A Man by Ignorant Philosophy

Click the link below in bold and take a listen

                      

* Never Tell A Man To Be A Man by Ignorant Philosophy *

Something everyone need to listen too

Why black men remain single... The myth of it all...

Relationship bloggers, and those alike seem to focus on the plight of the single woman. As it has been communicated time and time again, black women and their singleness is nobody’s fault but their own, after all it’s up to women to get chose the right man? 

In my opinion women are too aggressive when It comes to being in control of relationships, they’re confrontational, selfish, materialistic, along with some other less than desirable things. Needless to say, these are traits that men don’t want to deal with, so I hear.

I recently read an article where the author attempted to explain why so many "Good" black men were single. Anyway, he went on to list his twelve ideas, most of which were passive aggressively deflecting his reasons for being single on to black women, for instance;

1. Good Black men keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.

2. They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off too quickly as not being “their type”.

3. They’re not wanted because they’re not needed. Too many women have told them that they don’t “need” a man.

4. They keep meeting black women who don’t respect them just because they “are” black men.

5. They keep failing women’s Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman’s friends don’t like them, then that woman won’t give them a chance either.

6. They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make…read more.

7. They keep meeting women with multiple children, and cannot focus on building a relationship but yet looking for a father figure for their kids.

8. They keep meeting women that are emotionally damaged by their own doing! (Trying to change men that they knew weren't good from jump).

9. They keep meeting women who have to be the man in the relationship and don't know how to let men lead.

10. They keep meeting women who are in a rush to be married

11. They keep meeting women who are closed minded and shallow when it comes to the appearance of a man

12. They keep meeting women who don't reciprocate effort and consistency

From my own experiences, I’ve kind of picked up on some of the reasons that men choose to remain single rather than get into relationships. Honestly, I as a man  we actually make the choice to be single, while women remain single because of the bad choices they make in men. I don’t like it, and I’m not an advocate for it, but I get it.

Everybody has a choice. You either make the choice to be open to finding a mate or you don’t. Whatever your reasons for remaining singles are definitely not the responsibility of the opposite sex. 

Where oh where is the accountability here? In the article, the author references 12 points of which only two are solely the responsibility of the man, and not the woman. And women will never understand how it’s their fault as women, that we as men are single. Because they feel that men will choose to play the field for years before they actually settle down. And this is all because the man that they actually want is doing just that.

I think that we "Good" black men are still single because we can be. It’s that simple. There are countless pieces of research that talk about the ratio of men to women.  And I can confirm with confidence that there are way more women than men. And when there is a surplus of something, consumers are able to be more selective before committing. Works the same way with people. It’s not hard for men to find a quantity of women who want to make that move and change her last name. It’s hard to find quality women when the majority of women that make themselves available aren't of great quality. (Bad bitches, money hungry groupies, career baby mommas, etc)

When it comes to single women, I divide them into two categories. The first, women who are so focused on themselves that they can’t find a man, and second, women that would rather blame their mistakes on men for as long as they can in fear of being hurt again. I have met many women that are, “working on their career”, “trying to be a better me”, “trying to get my finances together” “trying to move on to better things,” they don’t have time for a man. I totally understand wanting to be the best you for someone else, but I also know that we will always want to have more, be better, be more successful, etc. It’s called drive. Some have it some don’t.

Granted I’d rather a woman be an overachiever than lazy. But, you have to realize though, sometimes you can achieve certain successes along side someone who is there as your support system.  Black people want to be the perfect version of themselves. [Good] Black men want to have it all together before they bring a woman into the picture, which is commendable. You can’t be perfect. You won’t be perfect. You can only try to be your best self and when the right woman comes along and you’re open to her, she will likely be cool with joining you on your quest for greatness.

That other group? Ugh. The so "Good" black men and women who are single because they don’t want to miss out on something better? You all are just greedy. There is always the potential to find someone more beautiful, or funnier, or who does a little more than the last. If you waste your whole life never being satisfied, then yes, single you will be. Contrary to whatever some of you believe, black men and women are really in this together. The word of the day is accountability. Get you some.

Understanding black love and making it last...

Everyone knows how the old adage goes: behind every strong black man stands a black woman. Black love is a concept that many today are products from. Many aspire to experience it. Many actively search for it and even long for it. Black love births long lines of families and strong, solid foundations. 

And undoubtedly, Black love is – and will – be bred in the black home. And like the strong black parents themselves, the institution of Black love continues to change over time.

It all begins with the initial encounter. Nowadays, there are obstacles that prevent relationships from blooming organically – namely technology. I like to call it “non-personal” communication.

“It has taken the personality out of dating and courting, especially in the way people meet and the way they ask each other out on date. And even on the date, people are still tweeting and texting. In past generations, that’s unheard of… it’s rude and disrespectful, and damn right ignorant. 

It could be said that males today are too influenced by the images and characters that the media presents.  

“It’s the music”. “Young males are getting confused about what they’re really supposed to do because they’re influenced by rappers and they’re trying to do what they see on TV.”

Even after logging off, shutting down and unplugging, true face-to-face interaction is still daunting. It used to begin with a simple and polite “hello.” However, deciphering the difference between true romantic interest and a conquest, especially on the street or in social settings, can be difficult.  Nonverbal communication like body language used to play a huge part in meeting potential mates – and they still can if the right attention is paid.

“Guys are always talking to women,” Carl Stevens, a relationship expert, life coach and author said. “[They] pick up on interest from women all of the time. It’s usually written all over their energy and their face.”

Flattering as it may seem, many women are uncomfortable when faced that kind of direct confrontation. “Some women say that they’re hit on too much – that’s one of the biggest complaints I hear,” Carl said.

Carl and his wife Kenya maintain a happy and healthy 16-year open marriage that began on a College campus. They call themselves the “quintessential Black couple” and used their combined skills to build JujuMama LLC, a “worldwide love coaching conglomerate and online love academy” as described on their website.

Their story started with a blind date at a movie theater. Despite the pretenses, they both knew what dating was and meant – a persistent debate within this generation. The constant need for a label – “talking” and “dating” and “courting” and “cuffing” and “boyfriends” and “boos” – can sometimes make it difficult for genuine relationships to grow organically.

“Dating is engaging somebody with the purpose and possibilities of how you can get to know each other,” Carl said. “You want to get to know [the person you’re dating] and develop a stronger connection.”

Dating, especially when it’s long-term, always offers the possibility of a future. But rushing to define things can often lead to heartbreak.

“People don’t get a chance to fully know each other." 

“Everyone wants everything today.”

And then comes sex, “a big part of life, important as meals and water,” said Kenya. Sex and sexuality is arguably both a deal breaker and a must for any stable union. When someone keeps their sexual expectations or needs private, tension arises. Casual sex and emotions – or lack thereof – merge. Then trouble begins.

“Sex is still almost taboo to talk about,” Carl said. “People have been brainwashed… we’re rejecting a natural part of us. Women are hesitant to appear slutty and men don’t want to express what they want.”

That rampant uncertainty factors into the game playing that’s sometimes associated with modern black love. When Carl thinks of black love today, he said that it “seems to be the epitome of gaming.”

“Black love is mastering the game and ballers, playing this role. Women are playing this game as well. And it’s a game that’s going back and forth,” he said.

When wants, needs and goals are vocalized and understood, it avoids problems and gray areas – they just have to be realistic.

“You can’t marry a guy because he’s a great boyfriend. You have to think ‘Will he be a great husband? Father? Provider?’ We’re not looking down the road. We’re not looking towards the future. We only see what’s right in front of us,” Nash said.

Living in the moment is a signature quality of this generation – or anyone in their 20s and early 30s, to be honest. Most students aren’t thinking about marriage or merging assets or mortgages right now, especially with thoughts of graduation and careers and adulthood in the way. 

Kenya says. “I was engaged at 21 while I was a junior and married at 22,” she said. “I told Carl on the first or second date…’I want to be married.’ I accepted it and told the truth about it. I visualized it and did the work. Women can do that. We can have that. We just have to use that feminine energy.”

Long lasting marriages were a signature trait of Black love. Today, the stats are admittedly unfavorable: only 51 percent of U.S. adults are married according to the Pew Research Center. The divorce rate is 3.4 for every 1000 marriages. And reports from the U.S. Census Bureau confirm that “Black men and women are currently less likely to be married” and that the median age for Black men and women to get married is 30 compared to Whites – they get married at around 26 and 27.

 

Building a house requires a blueprint, a foundation and helping hands to create the finished product. That same concept should be applied to Black love and sadly, that attitude is wilting away!

“When I think of Black love, I think of support". “Older people were more committed to making it work.” “People don’t have stick-to-itiveness anymore." “And it’s just not indicative to the Black community. People don’t want to work hard anymore, and a relationship is a lot like a job.”

Despite the stigmas and the fears and the changes, there’s still hope that Black love will continue to prevail throughout the years. Maybe it’ll begin in class, at a movie or walking down the street. It’s a matter of communication, patience and hope.

20 Reasons Women Stay With Cheating Men

Many people find it hard to understand why a woman would choose to stay in a marriage or a relationship with a man who has cheated on her, or who has a history of extramarital affairs. Yet there are millions of women, who for various reasons, have chosen to stay with a cheating partner. In fact, according to experts up to 75% of couples rocked by infidelity manage to stay together. These are not the only reasons women remain in relationships with cheaters. There are a myriad of reasons why women stay with cheaters, some that only make sense to the women involved. Below are just a few reasons why women choose to stay with a cheating spouse or partner. 

1. The lying has stopped Women feel better, after everything is out in the open. They believe that with the lying over with, they can begin to repair their marriages.   

2. Love Infidelity does not instantly cancel out love. A woman may still be very much in love with her husband or boyfriend, despite the fact that he has cheated on her. 

3. They blame themselves Self-recrimination seems to play a big part in why women stay with men who cheat. They blame themselves for their men’s behavior. “What did I do wrong to make him cheat?” 

4. Financial reasons There are women who are unable to, or believe they cannot make it on their own without the financial support of a cheating partner. 

5. Convenience It may be more convenient to stay with the cheater for the time being, until certain legal or financial measures have been put into place. 

6. For the sake of the children Some women feel that children should be raised in a two-parent home at all costs. 

7. Desire to one up, the other woman “Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned” Wives who have been scored, may have the need to prove they won over the other woman. The wife may be hell bent on showing her husband’s mistress, that she was nothing more than a fling, while she, the wife, has the home, children and the good life. 

8. Not willing to give up a certain lifestyle Leaving a wealthy or prominent man may mean that a woman has to give up a lavish lifestyle that includes a luxurious home, fancy car, expensive clothes, and jewelry, exotic vacations and more. 

9. Bad timing The current economic situation, a serious illness, or any number of other problems may mean that leaving the cheater has to be temporarily put on hold. 

10. Insufficient proof of infidelity A woman may feel that she lacks sufficient proof that her spouse or significant other is actually having an affair. 

11. Fear of change Leaving a long-time partner is a life-altering decision. A woman may be afraid to make such a drastic change in her life. 

12. Low self-esteem A woman may have so little confidence in herself that she feels unable to make it on her own. 

13. Honoring the marriage vows Some women take their marriages vows literally, which say: “for richer for poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” These women take seriously the vows they have made, and desire to obey them, even to the bitter end. 

14. Thinking the cheater will change A woman may truly believe that a husband or boyfriend with a history of cheating will eventually change his cheating ways. 

15. To achieve career goals Remaining in the marriage or relationship with the cheater may be instrumental in the achievement of the woman’s career goals. 

16. Hoping counseling will help If the couple or the cheater himself is getting professional counseling, the woman may be hopeful that this will help. 

17. Fear of being alone Some women simply do not want to live without a man in their life and feel that even a cheating man is better than no man at all. 

18. Religious beliefs Some wives feel that divorcing a cheating husband goes against their religious beliefs. 

19. Desire to keep the family intact There are wives who believe it is important to keep up the illusion of an intact family, despite the fact that their husbands are having an affair. 

20. Belief that it will not happen again A woman may feel that her partner’s infidelity is an isolated incident that will never happen again. Year ago Ann Landers, in her column would tell wives to ask themselves one important question; “Are you better off with him, or without him”. It could be as simple as a woman looking at her overall situation and deciding she is better off staying. 

She should never have to explain or defend her decision to family or friends as to why she has chosen to leave or to stay with a man who cheats. Choosing to leave, or to stay with a cheating spouse or significant other is a very personal matter. Some women will make a spur of the moment decision the minute they find out about the affair. 

Many times, they regret their choice. For other women, whether to stay or leave is a carefully thought-out decision in which many factors are taken into consideration. For some women, staying is the right decision. For other women, the right decision may be to leave, but each woman must make her own choice.

Everyone Is Making One So Can I.... Are You Sex Tape Ready?

In the past few years, it seems every famous B-lister has had a sex tape “leak” on the internet. And just like watching Food Network makes you want to become a top chef, seeing enough grainy shots of a celebrity bow-chicka-wow-wow can be enough to make you say, “Hey! I could do that!” But you need to have a serious conversation with yourself before you start picking your porn name.

First, watch some real porn, preferably with a partner around. You need to be comfortable with the whole watching-people-have-sex-on-camera thing. If the close-up shots make you cringe, consider your motives. Are you trying to make your boyfriend happy, or is this something you really want to do?

Ease into it with some sexy pictures. Start with still photos you snap of yourself (from the neck down to be safe). You don’t have to show anyone. It’s just a way to test your confidence. If you can handle the pics, you may want to take a little video of yourself, too. Use your webcam to make a home movie of yourself in the shower or doing a striptease. When the realities of harsh lighting and lack of airbrushing set in, you may realize you don’t want to see yourself on tape. But if you kinda get turned on, you’re probably OK to bring a partner into the mix.

Your potential partner is one of the most important aspects of deciding whether or not to make an X-rated video. You need to do it with someone who won’t judge you later down the line. Making a tape with a booty call might be a better idea than making a tape with the future father of your children. The fact is, there may come a point in your life when you want to forget about your wild ways, and you need to be sure the guy can do the same. While it’s important to trust your partner, making a sex tape in a relationship with intense feelings involved may backfire. If your serious boyfriend has a jealous streak, is he going to spread the word of your tape when you break up? It might be safer to make the tape with a hot but emotionally unattached guy, who, when all is said and done, won’t really care that you did something taboo.

And the hot, emotionally unattached guys are the ones who are most often tape-worthy lays! Sure, the future father of your children may be cute and you may really like to make love to each other, but last time I checked, sex tapes were for talking dirty and banging out in all kinds of crazy ways. (As long as they make you look skinny on camera, of course.)

No matter how much you trust your partner, though, you need to protect yourself. First, for all sexy images and videos, you should have a separate memory card that you have control of at all times. Keep everything saved on a flash drive you keep in a very secure location – after all, you don’t want him e-mailing himself the video from your computer while you’re in the shower. You may be tempted to show your friends, but it’s just too easy for e-mails to be forwarded, so all viewing should take place on your computer. And while crazy banging is good, the kinky stuff is what makes for a juicy “OMG did you hear about this?!” video that may go viral in your circle of friends. Sure, it’s called a “sex tape,” but stripteases and, well, doing things besides sex (we’ll leave it at that) are totally OK. If you can avoid getting your face on camera a whole lot, that will also enable you to deny, deny, deny if necessary! However, if you have a distinguishing birthmark on your back, and you keep shouting “Say my name!” on camera … well, good luck with that.

If you feel comfortable on camera and have a good partner, a tape can ultimately be good for you. It can make you feel confident and sexy and give your sex life a boost. But play it smart, and for God’s sake, don’t tweet about it.